For those of you not familiar with the sport, soccer is a
game that requires nonstop use of your feet, which could possibly be why the
Europeans call it football. So there I was, running on my bruised
foot, THUD! Dribbling with my bruised foot, THUMP! Passing with my bruised foot,
THWACK! Kicking the heck out of the ball over and over and over again with my
bruised foot, WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! And all I could think was, what the hell is
wrong with me?
I'd gotten the injury a week prior, playing, you guessed it,
soccer. Just as I was winding my leg up to score a beauty of a goal, an
opponent kicked me so hard I was facedown on the ground taking the Lord's name
in all sorts of vain. I knew right away the bruise I'd just gotten was going to
be a biggie. But I never dreamed that a few days later, the darned thing would
look like this:
Common sense would tell a person, "That thing is FUGLY. Girl, you need to stay off that foot, hang an Out of Order sign on your back, and for the love of god, keep fast-flying balls and cleated feet far far
away'. They even have an
acronym for what I needed: R.I.C.E. Which stands for Rest, Ice, Compression and
Elevation.
Instead, I did what I always seem to do, best summed up as D.I.S.E.: Deny, Ignore, Suck-it-up and Exercise-anyway.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I wondered the very same thing last year when I did the Tuff Mudder, alongside my husband and group of 23 other maniacs. Crawling through
mud-filled underground tunnels, jumping over pits of fire, swimming across a
dumpster full of ice. And we won't even mention the electric shocks. Our team name was 'Rochambeau'–which
comes from a game played on the TV show South Park where
the characters TAKE TURNS KICKING EACH OTHER IN THE NUTS.
That pretty much sums up all the mud runs, marathons and other
bucket list events everyone I know has been signing up for ever since we all
turned forty.
For my friends and I, ice packs, heating pads and
Costco size bottles of Motrin are becoming a way of life. It seems like every
other day, someone puts a post on Facebook asking if anybody can recommend a
good orthopedist.
But like everything in our lives we find fault with, it
probably also has something to do with my childhood. Whenever I'd tell my mom, 'It hurts when I do this,' her response
was, 'Then don't do that.'
Or, I'd show her a boo-boo that had me seriously
concerned, and she'd reassure me by saying, 'It's
too far from your ass to kill you.'
And I guess that's the point here. I'm not quite dead yet, so
I've got to keep living a life I love. A friend's husband once remarked that he
feels so much better since he stopped playing sports and working out, and I
believe him, I really do. But I don't believe that sounds like much fun.
So I'm gonna ride out this body of mine as much as I can for
as long as I can, and when it all finally gives, I'm going kicking and screaming.
There will be plenty of time for Rest, Ice and Compression when I'm buried six
feet below ground. And maybe if I've lived a good life, the angels will come down and give me some
Elevation.
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