Because I am such a big deal (insert laughing noises here) the folks at FTD sent me a list of creative ways to show mom gratitude on Mother's Day, thinking I may want to share it with you, my lovely readers.
And, really, it was so sweet of them, because now I get to have the day off swigging mimosas, instead of racking my brain wondering what to write about.
You can see FTD's full list of mom thank you ideas here, but I'm highlighting a few of my faves below with my own creative improvements, on the outside chance my husband may read this or that you want to print it out and post it on your fridge.
Or better yet, stick it on your children's iPads. No chance they will miss it there.
#2. Cook her favorite meal for all those meals she fed you
Yes, a meal would be great. But you know what would be greater? A whole weeks worth, labelled and stockpiled in my freezer. Anybody can scrape up one lousy dinner. Try doing it night after night for five or ten years straight while everyone around you bitches, "I'm not eating that."
#6. Support her hobbies, even if you don’t enjoy them yourself
Do you know how many hours I've spent on the sidelines? Come watch ME play soccer for a change. Fill up my water bottles, find my missing shinguard, and cut me up some damned orange wedges for halftime. Also, please wear a jersey with my name on it and cheer for me like a lunatic while screaming obscenities at my opponents. It's quid pro quo, I want the same passionate behavior experience I provide for you.
#7. Throw a get-together for her and her friends for all the times she hosted yours
Yes yes yes, please plan me a ladies night. And don't forget to cook and clean all week for it. Then when it's party time, get the hell out of the house. Unless you want to stick around and serve us in silence. I guess that would be okay too.
#10. Clean her house for all the times she cleaned up after you
Skip the light housework. I want a major spring cleaning. Organize my closets. Dust the fans and the baseboards. And I don't do windows, so I sure as hell hope you guys do.
#13. Treat her to a relaxing spa day for all those times you stressed her out
This does not mean a discounted 50 minute massage at the local Massage-plex. I'd like a spa week. Somewhere far far away. I'm thinking Canyon Ranch. Feeling cheap? Ok, I'd settle for a monthly spa membership somewhere nearby but nice (like cucumber slices in the water nice). Or how about a 90 minute massage, plus mani, pedi, a facial, and an empty house when I come home. Now that's what I'd call relaxing.
#16. Send her flowers to let her know that you’re thinking about her
Even better, plant my flowers for me while I point where I want them. I've got a car full of plants and a whole garden with your name on it. And while you're at it, can you pull out all those pesky weeds? I don't want to ruin my nails.
#31. Buy her a gift that she’s been talking about buying herself forever to show her how much she deserves it
How many times do I have to say it, I want Alex & Ani, Alex & Ani, Alex & Ani! I've written it thrice because one bangle is ridiculous. As you can see in InStyle, my wrist needs a whole PILE. They're only $28 bucks each. Throw a c-note at Mama's Day or my girlfriends and I will laugh at you behind your back.
#40 Leave surprises around her house as spontaneous reminders of how much you care
Here are a few ideas that would truly shock me: wipe up your crumbs after you make a sandwich. Hang up your wet towel. Put your damn shoes away. The best surprise you could leave me is not leaving a mess.
#42 Take her shopping for all those hours she spent with you at the mall
I don't really want to take any of you shopping with me, but I will take your wallets. Gimme a fistful of cash to blow with no questions asked and it will be a happy Mother's Day indeed.
#62. Tell her that she’s the best mom in the world, because she is
This one never gets old, and there's no wrong way to say it. But bonus points if you scream it from the rooftops, engrave it on sweet jewelry or write in the sky. Actually, how about you take me to a tropical beach, park my butt on a blanket and ply me with champagne while a plane flies overhead dragging a banner that says "Mom is the best."
Now that would be a creative way to show your gratitude.
Happy Mother's Day to all my Mamas!